not sure what to say

So, as you can imagine, I've been thinking a lot about the economy and the (now failed) bailout. I think that this is a situation where no one really knows what to think. First of all, it's confusing. Secondly, how you feel about it depends on your socioeconomic class, political leanings, and personal history. And thirdly, the people who are supposed to be telling you what it means aren't telling you much. All of this results in mass confusion, to be sure.

Basically, the government would take a whole lot of your money and use it to back financial institutions, pump some liquid back in the illiquid assets of the housing market (love those weird, probably made up financial terms) and fund a bunch of other programs that will help people get back on their feet. If it went through (and maybe it still will, in another incarnation), you might get all of your money back, some of your money back, or maybe even make money on the deal.

But today, no such luck. I heard on the radio some congress men and women didn't want to vote for it because they are up for reelection, and the thought in Washington is that a vote for this pretty much means you're out in November. Then they blamed Nancy Pelosi, for making a partisan speech referring to Bush's failed economic policies, which I'm sorry, but no matter what party you belong to, you have to agree is a fact at this point. And finally, Republicans don't like when the government controls their money with taxes, so some of them voted no for that reason too.

Now, at risk of showing my party affiliation, I don't have any problem with paying taxes, if they go to a good project/program/result. Being an unpaid mom on maternity leave really drove that home for me. The street near my neighborhood recently got new sidewalks, I'm sure my taxes helped paid for that, and I'm glad. And while I don't think that execs should be getting these ridiculous salaries at the risk of the rest of the country, I live in a state where many of the residents make a LOT of money in finance and real estate, and I work for that state, and I have already seen budgets being cut at my work due to the loss in revenue from the state income tax. It's complicated, and I'm sure glad I'm a frugal living blogger and not Henry Paulson.

If there is one thing I have learned through all of this, it is that I am not ready to buy a house. If I had a mortgage right now, and winter was coming with the home heating costs rising exponentially, and I thought I could lose my job- man, I'd be freaking out right now. I'm so sorry for those who are in that situation because if your house gets foreclosed on, you're screwed. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. Even though I have all this debt, and I don't own a home or really have any equity to claim for myself, I'm still okay, and I'm lucky in that regard (among many others).

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

unintended bargain

I haven't paid my newspaper bill because I was considering cancelling it because it was like 20 dollars for 13 weeks. Well, I got a "we want you back" letter from them today offering me 26 weeks for the same price, which is 50 percent off. This also happens if you cancel Netflix, or put photos in Shutterfly but don't order anything.

So keep that in mind. It's like a lazy man's bargain. :)

dreams instead of nightmares

I wasn't writing this blog when things were really bad, I started it about 6 months after I went back to work and my husband moved out (which happened less than a month apart). But things used to be really bad. I had to pay bills with credit cards sometimes, and if I managed to get ahead and get some money into savings, my husband would take it. I would lay awake at nights worrying, running different scenarios through my head, and spent countless hours working on pay-off plans with my Microsoft Money software.

While I'm not debt free (yet),now I sleep at night. I have back up plans, savings that are safe, and enough income to pay more than the minimum balance. Instead of worrying about how to make it through, when I lay in bed I dream of what I will do when the credit cards are gone. Student loans will get paid off, too. A downpayment for a house, perhaps. I imagine what it would be like to pay cash for a car, or a nice vacation. I dream of putting money in IRAs, 503b's and donating to charity.

I realize that all those things cost money, too, and I'll probably never have "enough"- but I also know how far I've come.

just your typical slightly disasterous bill paying evening

I really should know better than to say things are fine- because, of course, something always comes up. In the past two weeks, I've had a lot of little somethings, and hadn't really added them all up since I've been so busy and tired. Tonight I *think* I got everything squared away, and I'm 200 dollars short of where I was supposed to be for the last two weeks of spending.

This really irritates me because a) it's not like I bought myself anything b) it's for dumb stuff like co-pays and cat food and c) I barely made any progress this month on my overall debt total because of this.

That being said, there is one thing that has worked out swimmingly (to use the term of Mikey's 3 year old teacher). The balance transfer thing turned out to be doubly beneficial- not only am I spending less on interest because of switching it, but the minimum payment for the one card is less than the minimum payment was for the two cards combined, so I have more to put towards the card I'm paying off aggressively. So I'm saving in two places- the interest on card one, and the principle on aggressive-pay-off-card. Sweet.

I think part of the reason this month has been rough is because I made that overly aggressive payment last month, which left me with practically nothing to get through the next few weeks. I think now for October I'll be back on track, but we'll see.

And thanks to everyone who voted on my blog, I really appreciate your input, and I'm glad to know you want me to keep it up- I want to keep it up!

the realization

It just occured to me that if I wasn't doing this, I'd probably never pay off all of my debt.

That's terrifying, and makes my progress that much more meaningful.

I'm so glad I'm doing this.

attempt #3

I keep trying to post and someone (read: children or library patrons) keeps interrupting me. Things are going well. I've been sticking to the Blackberry budget, and buying as many organic things as I can. Work has been really, very busy but I'm hanging in there.

It's tough getting a 2 and a 3 year old fed, dressed, lunchboxed and out the door by 7 am by yourself. It's wearing on me. I'm grumpy and my back hurts. Sometimes I feel like its not fair, and other times I think its not so bad after all, the difference being directly related to the amount of crying that morning.

I had one brief moment of panic where I thought I hadn't planned for Christmas, only to realize I have been socking money away for weeks. I guess that shows how little you notice automatic savings- I've been putting away 30 dollars every other week for Christmas and 250 a month for oil, and hadn't really noticed.

I also got picked for a leadership program for librarians, and it means I'll get to travel to conferences in Denver and Chicago next year, so I'm really excited about that!

For those who commented on the exchange with the high school classmate, a lot more went on (me "educating" resulted in me being called an "instigator") so I'm just gonna let it go. I'll put it this way- I think I really am a bitch. Oh well.

I'm just not into it

I went over to a friend's house tonight and saw a guy I went to high school with. He's never been someone I had anything in common with, but we're both close with the friend whose house we were at, and we actually live in the same town. While we were talking, he was telling me about all the home improvement projects he was working on.

I like to think of myself as a pleasant person, but honestly, I think I might have evolved into a bitch. I just couldn't listen to him talk. All I heard was the cash register sound and thought of all the money he was spending. I thought about all the old housing materials getting thrown in the dumpster, and the new hardwood floors made out of trees that take 50-100 years to reach full size, and I didn't want to listen to him. So I told him, "I'm just not into that stuff." It was strange to hear it come out of my mouth, but there it was, falling out of me and onto the floor, undeniable. I'm just not into that stuff. It was true, and it felt great.