27 April 2009

26 April 2009

What's been going on

You may have noticed I haven't been posting. Well, here's what's going on.

My ex took off. No one has seen or heard from him in a week. His parents are fairly sure he's at the house of the girl he was dating over the winter, because they pulled his phone records and he called her right before he disappeared. They went over there and her kid (3 years old!) answered the door and said he was there, but he wouldn't come to the door.

He's missed three visitations and one child support payment. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do without child support. I'm planning on calling the lawyer this week to see what my options are.

I'm left with a mixed bag of emotions. Part of me is livid. He blew off his kids, his responsibilities, left me to handle it all- the kids' questions, the childcare, the bills. The other part of me is relieved. I hate him. I think we would be better off if he never came back.

I don't know what to do/think/feel.

However, as all moms (and some dads, too, I know) do, I've just kept going. I've been keeping the kids busy playing, working in the garden, giving them extra love.

Here are a few pictures of what we've been working on:

Project Clothesline is back in full effect, thanks to unseasonably warm weather in New England:

We've begun gardening, planting peas...

lettuce, spinach, beets and potatoes.

I guess it could be worse. Sigh.

15 April 2009

a big, fat mess

I've been sort of losing it for the last couple of months. I'll admit it. I think that I took the whole actually being divorced thing harder than I thought, because I feel like it all started around then. Basically, I gained like 15 pounds, starting feeling really crappy all the time, and blew all my savings on a combination of paying my taxes, buying gifts for everyone I know, and going out to eat a million times, which probably contributed to the weight gain.

I actually owe more than I did last month. This hasn't happened since I started this in January 2008. I feel like the people must feel on the Biggest Loser, when you know they know they f*ed up, but for some reason they are still shocked and saddened when the scale reads +2 and everyone gasps and cries.

Did you gasp and cry? I did when I paid my bills this week.

I don't feel like I have any answers right now. I'm going to sleep on it, but no "I can do this!!" from me tonight. It would have been my 6th wedding anniversary today, and I think that I'm sad. Who'd a thunk it.

14 April 2009

yesssss (fist pump)

the peas are growing. they've sprouted! it's begun!

(sorry for the bad photo quality, cell phone)

11 April 2009

so yeah

I did end up owing, and I did end up with a refund on my state taxes, but it's not quite enough to cover what I owe federal. Luckily it's only about 300 dollars difference, which I have in savings and can cover without issue. I guess that happened because they took out taxes as if I was married, but I had to file as a single person because we got divorced before Dec 31st (this was news to me).

I'm still kind of glad I underpaid because that money has been earning me interest and saving me from paying interest all year, rather than loaning it to the government interest free. In fact, I think I'll underpay again this year, because I think I can handle paying taxes instead of getting a refund.

So, that's done! And I never have to file with my ex again. Whew.

tax day

I put off doing my taxes until now because I'm fairly sure I'll be paying this year. I didn't have a lot taken out because I didn't want my ex to get any of my refund like he did last year, plus, I figured I'd use the money to pay off debt and worry about owing when the time comes.

I do think I might get a refund for state taxes, though, so I'm hoping it will even out. Worst case scenario, I use my savings to pay my taxes and then build up my savings again.

I am going to the accountant (at noon) that we've always gone to, and I'm going with my ex, so that he can see if filing together works out better (we can choose because we were married for like 350 of the 365 days of 2008). I'll let you know how it goes!

10 April 2009


I have been anxiously awaiting the sprouting of the peas, to the point where I've been checking on them from the window with binoculars. (dork!) Today I was outside digging things up and moving the walkway (and breaking one of the stepping stones in the process) and I couldn't take it anymore. I dug one up! It was swollen and a small root was starting to stick out. A few more weeks and some good, warm rain and we'll be in business.

I checked the Skippy's Vegetable Garden blog on my blogroll for pea info (she's amazing) and it seems like that's pretty typical, as was the digging up of a seed, so I guess it's normal! I just can't wait. Last year I planted like 6 seeds because I got in late and didn't use any inoculant. This year I planted three rows! I'm dying to eat those sugar snap peas!

09 April 2009


So far, I've thought of:

  • Quebec City
  • Puerto Rico
  • someone's couch in nyc
  • my friend's farm in upstate New York
  • Block Island
  • some kind of meditation place anywhere
This is FUN!

08 April 2009

Doctor's Orders

I've been slacking. Mostly with eating out. It's a bad scene.

I don't know if I haven't been posting because I'm spending more than I want to be, or I'm spending more than I want to be because I haven't been posting. Either way, no good.

Basically, as evidenced by my super depressing sounding previous post, I've been feeling really down lately. So when I went to see my therapist yesterday, imagine how psyched I was when she recommended two things to make me feel better...

wait for it...

have a party and go on vacation!

How will I do that on a budget? That is where it gets really good- I don't know! So I'll have to blog about it, ask for your advice, share what I find, and basically have something interesting to talk about other than "I went to Target and spent too much money" or "my ex-h sucks."

I think the party should come first, but I want to plan the vacation. So vacation it is. Here are my criteria:
  • somewhere I can either go quickly (without kids) or I can bring my kids
  • somewhere I haven't been 8000 times, or didn't go to with my ex
  • somewhere where there are fun, cheap things to do

Thoughts? I live in New England, if you don't know. :)

04 April 2009

How I got to where I am

While much of my debt has come from my ex husband, my spending habits are my own and came from a series of life events and inability to cope with things properly. Lately, I've been feeling pretty down, and I'm seeing them slip back into my life a bit. I don't like it.

When I was getting divorced, things were very dramatic and there was a lot going on, a lot to talk to friends about, a lot to vent here about. But now, things are very dull, and sort of sad. I work, and I take care of my kids, and sometimes my friends come over or call. That's it. That's my whole life. Every day is like a struggle to stay afloat with cleaning, work tasks, or trying to get anything enjoyable in my day, like a walk or reading a book. I get up at 5, leave by 7, get home by 5, and get the kids in bed and asleep and the kitchen cleaned up by 8:30 or 9. So, either I go right to bed and get 8 hours of sleep, which I desperately need, or I stay up, and I'm tired.

It never ends.

And due to all of this, not only have I not been sticking to my budget, but I've gained some weight. I find myself eating late at night because I'm bored and too tired to focus on doing anything, or I go out to dinner or buy the kids something because I can't bear going home and having the same routine another day.

On the bright side, I feel like some of this has to do with the end of the cold weather. In the summer, I take the kids for a walk after dinner every night, and we play outside every day. I garden and get fresh air and eat lots of fruit and vegetables from my garden and the farmer's market, and things seem more doable. I'm hoping that this happens again, and I think it will.

But in the meanwhile, I'm struggling. At least I can come here and sort of work it out. Although even that been difficult to fit in.