the party's over, but not in a good way

I'm screwed.

I can't afford to pay my bills. My inlaws offered to help me, but even that isn't enough.

This SUCKS.

I'm running all the options through my head- what if I cancel the cell phone, the cable, the long distance... transfer a credit card balance... put my student loan in forebearance... I have no idea. I really have no idea.

Invitation to the Pity Party

I'm so, so bummed out.

Basically, my ex doesn't seem to care that he's left us high and dry. So now I don't know what I will do about my bills. Basically, if it weren't for the debt he left us with, we'd be okay. I make a decent amount of money, and I live cheaply. But I have this mountain of debt to pay off, and I can't do it by myself.

I can file for the back child support, but he doesn't have a job, and it hasn't been that long (a little over 2 weeks).

I can ask his parents for a loan, but who knows when I could pay it back.

I could file for bankruptcy, or sue him (maybe, I don't even know for sure).

Or I can just sit here and cry, which is what I'm doing.

Seedlings

Is there a way to get them to not be leggy without a grow light? The big guys in the foreground are sugar pumpkins, followed by peas, carrots, sunflowers and watermelons.

on the bright side

My garden is doing GREAT! I have the following things actively growing IN the garden- potatoes, lettuce, sugar snap peas, spinach, beets and broccoli. Plus, I have a seed tray going with some very healthy looking pumpkins, watermelon, shelling peas, carrots and sunflowers.


The ex is still on the lamb, but he's been heard from so I know what he's doing. Still no word on how I'm expected to pay my bills, but I'm hoping for a miracle.

I don't really know what to say. I mean, obviously I'm pissed, but at the same time, I barely care what happens to him. I'm really only pissed on behalf of the kids, and because of the money. What he does is really beyond my realm of care.

a nice little thing

I just paid off a small loan that I took out about 3 years ago. Yay!

What's been going on

You may have noticed I haven't been posting. Well, here's what's going on.

My ex took off. No one has seen or heard from him in a week. His parents are fairly sure he's at the house of the girl he was dating over the winter, because they pulled his phone records and he called her right before he disappeared. They went over there and her kid (3 years old!) answered the door and said he was there, but he wouldn't come to the door.

He's missed three visitations and one child support payment. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do without child support. I'm planning on calling the lawyer this week to see what my options are.

I'm left with a mixed bag of emotions. Part of me is livid. He blew off his kids, his responsibilities, left me to handle it all- the kids' questions, the childcare, the bills. The other part of me is relieved. I hate him. I think we would be better off if he never came back.

I don't know what to do/think/feel.

However, as all moms (and some dads, too, I know) do, I've just kept going. I've been keeping the kids busy playing, working in the garden, giving them extra love.

Here are a few pictures of what we've been working on:

Project Clothesline is back in full effect, thanks to unseasonably warm weather in New England:

We've begun gardening, planting peas...

lettuce, spinach, beets and potatoes.

I guess it could be worse. Sigh.

a big, fat mess

I've been sort of losing it for the last couple of months. I'll admit it. I think that I took the whole actually being divorced thing harder than I thought, because I feel like it all started around then. Basically, I gained like 15 pounds, starting feeling really crappy all the time, and blew all my savings on a combination of paying my taxes, buying gifts for everyone I know, and going out to eat a million times, which probably contributed to the weight gain.

I actually owe more than I did last month. This hasn't happened since I started this in January 2008. I feel like the people must feel on the Biggest Loser, when you know they know they f*ed up, but for some reason they are still shocked and saddened when the scale reads +2 and everyone gasps and cries.

Did you gasp and cry? I did when I paid my bills this week.

I don't feel like I have any answers right now. I'm going to sleep on it, but no "I can do this!!" from me tonight. It would have been my 6th wedding anniversary today, and I think that I'm sad. Who'd a thunk it.