15 April 2009

a big, fat mess

I've been sort of losing it for the last couple of months. I'll admit it. I think that I took the whole actually being divorced thing harder than I thought, because I feel like it all started around then. Basically, I gained like 15 pounds, starting feeling really crappy all the time, and blew all my savings on a combination of paying my taxes, buying gifts for everyone I know, and going out to eat a million times, which probably contributed to the weight gain.

I actually owe more than I did last month. This hasn't happened since I started this in January 2008. I feel like the people must feel on the Biggest Loser, when you know they know they f*ed up, but for some reason they are still shocked and saddened when the scale reads +2 and everyone gasps and cries.

Did you gasp and cry? I did when I paid my bills this week.

I don't feel like I have any answers right now. I'm going to sleep on it, but no "I can do this!!" from me tonight. It would have been my 6th wedding anniversary today, and I think that I'm sad. Who'd a thunk it.


Kimberli said...

Of course you're sad... (((HUGS)))

Hope you can get back on track soon and start feeling better about things!!!

Kathy said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've just gone through one of life's most serious upheavals. You need time to heal.

I'm a person who tends to beat herself up daily over my weaknesses and I suffer from depression as well, so I can empathize most sincerely.

You're still doing a great job.

jt said...

try to give yourself a break -- not a one of us are perfect. so, you spent a little more. you gained a bit of weight. you allowed yourself to feel sad about getting divorced. that's normal stuff. its actually pretty healthy to allow yourself to feel stuff. even bad stuff. it will pass. don't forget that you got divorced right in the dead of winter -- not an easy season to do much of anything, let alone muster up cheer and positivity. you're doing fine. give yourself a break, really.

Heidi said...

Hang in there chica!!! Just keep breathing-and take it one day at a time. :) (((HUGS)))

Looking For Freedom... said...

Sticking it out for the long haul is hard...really hard. It's just SO difficult to imagine scrimping and saving and denying yourself for years on end (this is how I feel, anyway).

It's important to give yourself a break, an outlet of some kind. Is there something you could do instead of going out to eat, even if it costs some money? Like letting yourself get some sort of little spa treatment every couple of months, or planning a camping trip with your kids or something?