04 April 2009

How I got to where I am

While much of my debt has come from my ex husband, my spending habits are my own and came from a series of life events and inability to cope with things properly. Lately, I've been feeling pretty down, and I'm seeing them slip back into my life a bit. I don't like it.

When I was getting divorced, things were very dramatic and there was a lot going on, a lot to talk to friends about, a lot to vent here about. But now, things are very dull, and sort of sad. I work, and I take care of my kids, and sometimes my friends come over or call. That's it. That's my whole life. Every day is like a struggle to stay afloat with cleaning, work tasks, or trying to get anything enjoyable in my day, like a walk or reading a book. I get up at 5, leave by 7, get home by 5, and get the kids in bed and asleep and the kitchen cleaned up by 8:30 or 9. So, either I go right to bed and get 8 hours of sleep, which I desperately need, or I stay up, and I'm tired.

It never ends.

And due to all of this, not only have I not been sticking to my budget, but I've gained some weight. I find myself eating late at night because I'm bored and too tired to focus on doing anything, or I go out to dinner or buy the kids something because I can't bear going home and having the same routine another day.

On the bright side, I feel like some of this has to do with the end of the cold weather. In the summer, I take the kids for a walk after dinner every night, and we play outside every day. I garden and get fresh air and eat lots of fruit and vegetables from my garden and the farmer's market, and things seem more doable. I'm hoping that this happens again, and I think it will.

But in the meanwhile, I'm struggling. At least I can come here and sort of work it out. Although even that been difficult to fit in.


Amy said...

I think I spend out of boredom also to some degree. It is good that you can recognize the behavior.

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart! I know just how you feel.
My husbnd has passed away and my kids are all busy with their lives and sometimes it gets very lonely.

I remember when I was working and coming home for more work, it seemed like I was on a merry go round with no place to get off.

Enjoy your children as much as you have time for. They will b e grown and gone before you know it.
Erma J.

Looking For Freedom... said...

I know how you feel! It gets to be a real drag, doesn't it? I think it helps to plan something special a few months in advance. For instance - could you plan an inexpensive weekend getaway or something like that? Maybe for the late summer/fall? That will give you something to look forward to.